I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
