I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
