508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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