so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
