so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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