dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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