There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
