I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
