i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
