I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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