Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
