it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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