yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
