Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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