It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
