You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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