it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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