It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
