chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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