She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
