Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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