A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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