you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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