it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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