I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
