I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
