Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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