I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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