on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
