Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
