He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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