She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
