the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I didn't notice because vodka
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
