when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
