please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
