dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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