make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
