I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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