So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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