Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
