I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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