If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
