I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
