mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
