Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I understand Curling. That high.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
