I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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