I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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