Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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