So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
