You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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