Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
