you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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