What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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