My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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