No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
