am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize