no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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