I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
