Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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