Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
