your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
