my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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