so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
