I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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