Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
