C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
