Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize