I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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